ABYSS

Frank Zappa
> Apostrophe
>> Don't Eat The Yellow Snow

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frozen wind began to blow
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Under my boots 'n around my toe
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frost had bit the ground below
(Boop-boop aiee-ay-ah!)
Was a hundred degrees below zero
(Booh!)
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
And my momma cried:
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried:
Nanook-a no no (no no . . . )
Nanook-a no no (no no . . . )
Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(Booh!)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(Booh!)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she said
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop . . . )
With a tear in her eye:
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW

>> Nanook Rubs It

Well right about that time people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo Woo-ooo-ooo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe . . .
I said:
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
A lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo
PEEK-A-BOO
With a lead
LEAD
Filled
LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe
SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo.
PEEK-A-BOO
He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He went WHAP!
With a lead-filled snow shoe
An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n he . . .
That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten aaaa of the deadly . . .
YELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
Whereupon I proceeded to take that mitten aaaa
Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people on this area
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
Here it goes now . . .
THE CIRCULAR MOTION . . . (rub it) . . .
(Here Fido . . . Here Fido)
And then in a fit of anger I . . .
I pounced
And I pounced again
GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . .
I injured the fur trapper
Well he was very upset as you can understand
And rightly so
Because
The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
And he stood up
And he looked around
And he said:
I CAN'T SEE
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
OH WOE IS ME
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . YEAH!)
I CAN'T SEE
(DO . . . DO DO-DO DO DO DO . . . WELL!)
NO NO
I CAN'T SEE
NO . . . I . . .
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
An' I can't see
Temporarily
Well the fur trapper
Stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's gonna do
About his deflicted eyes
And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
An ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra . . .
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . .

>> Father O'blivion

Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!
Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked yes . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . .
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . .
Sma-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah
Ahhh (stroked his smock)
Which set him off in such a frenzy
He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
WOO WOO WOO
As he stumbled on his ____
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
PROUD OF ME
He shouted down the block
Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu
Oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
Good morning your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo
Good morning your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo

>> St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast

Yes indeed here we are!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me hurt me hurt me oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . .

Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Ooo-ooo-WAH . . .

>> Cosmik Debris

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this little fella but it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said . . .
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste yer time . . .

I've got troubles of my own I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!" he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down . . . "
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it don't waste your time on me . . . )
Ohm shonty ohm shonty ohm shonty-ohm
SSHONTAY

>> Excentrifugal Forz

The clouds are really cheap
The way I seen 'em thru the ports
Of which there is a half-a-dozen
On the base of my resorz
You wouldn't think I'd have too many
Since I never cared for sports
But I'm never really lonely
In my Excentrifugal Forz

There's always Korla Plankton
Him 'n me can play the blues
An' then I'll watch him buff that
Tiny ruby that he use
He'll straighten up his turban
An' eject a little ooze
Along a one-celled Hammond Organism
Underneath my shoes
An' then I'll call PUP TENTACLE
I'll ask him how's his chin
I'll fine out
How the future is
Because that's where he's been
His little feet got long 'n flexible
An' suckers fell right in
The time he crossed the line
From LATER ON to WAY BACK WHEN

>> Uncle Remus

Wo are we movin' too slow?
Have you seen us
Uncle Remus . . .
We look pretty sharp in these clothes (yes we do)
Unless we get sprayed with a hose
It ain't bad in the day
If they squirt it your way
'Cept in the winter when it's froze
An' it's hard if it hits
On yer nose
On yer nose

Just keep yer nose
To the grindstone they say
Will that redeem us
Uncle Remus . . .
I can't wait till my Fro is aaaa-grown
I'll just throw 'way my Doo-Rag at home
I'll take a drive to BEVERLY HILLS
Just before dawn
An' knock the little jocaaas
Off the rich people's lawn
An' before they get up
I'll be gone I'll be gone
Before they get up
I'll be knocking the jocaaas off the lawn
Down in the dew

>> Stink-foot

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go hmmm?
Well lemme straighten you out
About a place I know . . .
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases mmm . . .

This has to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of:
STINK FOOT
Y'know my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry
"You got STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off d'you suppose?"
Here Fido . . . Fido . . .
C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers
"Arf arf arf!" (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh . . . sick . . .

Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')
Well you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in disbelief)
"You can't say that!"
He said:
"IT DOESN'T 'n YOU CAN'T!
I WON'T 'n IT DON'T!
IT HASN'T IT ISN'T IT EVEN AIN'T
'N IT SHOULDN'T . . .
IT COULDN'T!"
He told me NO NO NO!
I told him YES YES YES!
I said: "I do it all the time . . .
Ain't this boogie a mess!"
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
(POO-DLE . . . )
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
( . . . BITES)
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES

ABYSS

Frank Zappa
> Just Another Band From L.a.
>> Eddie Are You Kidding?

Eddie are you kidding?
I've seen you on my TV
Eddie are you kidding?
The people always ask me
I saw your double knits
I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag
And then you sent me home--
What!?
Eddie are you kidding?
No no!
Eddie are you kidding?
No no!

Eddie are you teasing
About your rancid garments?
Eddie are you teasing
About your sixty tailors?
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit--
Oh
Eddie are you kidding?
No no!
Eddie are you kidding?
No no!

>> Magdalena

Hey!
Ha!
Ooh!

There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball--
And her name was Magdalena

Magdalena . . .

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal.
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the light
And he said to himself:
"She looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)
Magdalena . . .

My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for her tit
And he said to himself:
"This is gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said: "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall.
Right on Magdalena!

My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear do not be concerned
When your Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard don't you understand
Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
(Tell 'em!)

Magdalena don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH . . .

Magdalena Magdalena Magdalena Magdalena
Daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles
I'd like to take you in the closet and take off your little clothes until you are virtually stark raving aaaa
Spread mayonaise
And kaopectate all over your body and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard and we can
We can walk down the streets by the stars that say Jon Provost and Leo G. Carroll together baby.
We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill
Can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us until dark
Don't you understand my baby?
I didn't mean I didn't need I mean it was so hard for me I just . . .
I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night
In the light
With your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie and I just said "My god
My god I gave my sperm to this thing!" And now I just
Oh you got me so hard I just
I don't know what to do Magdalena don't you understand? So I grabbed you but
But don't hold it against me I mean
Your mom will never know baby and I wantcha to come back to me
I mean do you understand me? I want you to . . .
I'm down on my knees to ya Magdalena! I wantcha ta walk back to me baby
I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine.
That's it! That's it! In the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall
And I want you to step baby
I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's
Same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for Christmas
And I want you to stroll back to me baby
Walk back baby don'tcha understand me baby?
I want you to walk back
I'm down on bended knees baby
I'm gonna I'm gonna I wanna take off your little training bra
Don't you understand me?
I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants
I'm gonna get down on my knees baby dont'cha understand what I'm saying to you?
Your mom will never know she's playing bridge with the girls
And you and I . . .
You and I go sucking som'thing baby
It's just you and I don'tcha understand?
We can make love all night long
Nobody will ever know
Come on Magdalena!
Please little girl
Walk back to your daddy
What did I do that was so wrong?
My God I was only following the aaaual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show from a book or something I wrote
I didn't know what I was doing
I got carried away
What can I say like like . . .
Walk back baby
Come on
Oh please you gotta walk back baby walk back
Walk back to your daddy!
Come on Magdalena to your daddy baby you gotta walk back baby walk back
Walk back baby walk back
Your mom will never know
Your mom will never know
Walk back baby walk back
Walk back baby walk back
Magdalena come back
Come back to you daddy
Walk back baby
Walk back baby
Walk
Walk
Walk
Walk
WALK!
Walk to your daddy
Come on down stroll it around of me
I'm down on my knees don't you understand?
Your mom will never know
I told you so . . .
(I love you Magdalena!)
You know what . . .
I said . . .

>> Dog Breath

Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!
Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-yah!

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
(Fuzzy Dice)
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
(My ship of love)
Is ready to attack

Buy me a carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
(Fuzzy Dice)
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
(My ship of love)
Is ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea
Won't you please hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea

Yeah!

Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea
Hear my plea

Thank you very much! Yeah!


>> Let's Make The Water Turn Black

now believe me when i tell you that my song is really true
i want everyone to listen and believe
it's about some little people from a long time ago
and all the things the neighbors didn't know early in the morning
daddy dinky went to work
selling lamps & chairs to san ber'dino squares
and i still remember mama with her apron & her pad
feeding all the boys at ed's cafe!

whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(ronnie helping kenny helping burn his poots away!)
and all the while on a shelf in the shed:
kenny's little creatures on display!

ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room
(a marvel to be seen: dysentery green)
while kenny & his buddies had a game out in the back:
let's make the water turn black

we see them after school in a world of their own
(to some it might seem creepy what they do...)
the neighbors on the right sat & watched them every night
(i bet you'd do the same if they was you)

whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(ronnie helping kenny helping burn his poots away!)
and all the while on a shelf in the shed:
kenny's little creatures on display!

ronnie's in the army now & kenny's taking pills
oh! how they yearn to see a bomber burn!
color flashing thunder crashing dynamite machine!
(wait till the fire turns green...
wait till the fire turns green)
wait till the fire turns green!

>> A Few Moments With Brother A. West

Ah I'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the Administration-- the most powerful government in the world. And uh Mr. Fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance because there has been some things done by Mr. Zappa that I think are unfair to our country.

I think from the beginning to say that this is going to be balanced when he has this *lingerie* up here and makin' fun of *children's toys* as a beginning if this is what he has in mind I think he's wrong.

It's people like Mr. Frank Zappa that kept the Senate from being able to send arms to the democratic freedom fighters in Nicaragua! And I for one am headin' down there myself as soon as I finish up here tonight.

And I want the elected official Mr. Charlie Sanders the Democrat to remember that "Democrat" begins with a "D" just like DEMON! And we'll remember you friend when it comes votin' time. And Margaret Boyd[?] and Carmen Belacord[?] despite ...[?] habit did some help to back things up.

Friends these forms cost money. And this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. Instead Mr. Zappa wants to have a bunch of young uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here and spendin' your money.

And I just want you to know that tonight I *love* him anyway. Because I've got love in my heart and I'm not afraid of the fact that he turned this into some kind of zoo up here.

Sunday--that's not fair Mr. Zappa--Sunday night used to be a night in which Americans would get together. They'd go to their place of worship and they would share. And I don't know why on this night which is supposed to be Valentine's night there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with America. But instead they're here on Sunday night worshipping this man who's demon-possessed!

I ask you Mr. Frank Zappa what kind of man can name a child Moon Unit? What kind of man can name a child Weasel? What kind of man can name a child Ohman? To me it defies the logic.

And I'm comin' here tonight because I want to share with him just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like Pat Robertson. To have a man like Mr. Dole. Restore America!

And I'm gonna ask the power and the joy and the power of the living king of kings and a lot of you here you smut-minded musical people say "King of kings that must be Elvis". No I'm gonna ask for the power and ask for the glory. I'm gonna now I'm gonna tell you a story. I'm gonna drive out the demons friends. I'm gonna ask you to help this badness end. Come on Frank let's have a story. Come on now share the glory. Do you feel the power? Come on put out the negativity...

>> 200 Years Old

I was sittin' in a breakfast room in Allentown Pennsylvania six o'clock in the morning got up to early it was a terrible mistake... sittin' there face-to-face with a 75 cent glass of orange juice about as big as my finger and a bowl of horribly foreshortened cornflakes and I said to myself: "This is the life!"...

She's 200 years old
so mean she couldn't grow no lips
Boy she'd be in trouble if she tried to grow a mustache

She's two hundred years old
Squattin' down & pockin' up
In front of the juke box
just like she had True Religion.. BOY!

She's two hundred years old
Hoy! hoy! in 200 years
half of this none of that
one.. fifty.. oh squattin'
Yeah-ah ain't she got
Oohhh she got religion now boy.

Oohhhh ?? ?? ??
Oohhhh she's just mean
she just she just can't grow no lips.
Squat.. down so mean she can't grow no lips.
200 years old so mean she can't grow no lips.